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Seeing Clearly from One Eye – Loss is More
By Neil Peterson | November 19, 2008
There is a teasing irony: we spend our lives evading our own redemption. And this is naturally so because something in us knows that to be fully human we must experience pain and loss. Therefore, we are at ceaseless effort to elude this high cost, whatever the price, until at last it overtakes us. And then, in spite of ourselves, we do realize our humanity. We are put in worthier possession of our souls. Then we look back and know that even our grief contained our blessing.
- Gordon Sherman, founder of Midas Muffler
Loss can destroy us or make us stronger by changing our perspective. This is especially true when we lose the use of a limb or have one of our senses diminished. The brain demonstrates amazing abilities to remap its neural circuits to adjust for these impairments (see video below).
But the emotional difficulties that go with traumatic loss can take more time. Fortunately, there is at least anecdotal medical evidence that people who overcome serious disability, illness or physical trauma in childhood are actually strengthened, rather than debilitated by the experience.
When I was a young man in high school, I lost my right eye after being struck directly in the face by a golf ball. During my recovery, I had trouble with my depth perception and peripheral vision. Nothing seemed to be where I thought it was. It was frustrating – I had to relearn my hand eye coordination. But what suffered the most was my self image. I was keen on playing sports and attracting the attention of girls. Suddenly, after the accident, all that seemed to be impossible. I was bitter, angry and depressed for months. I cursed my fate and wondered why this had happened to me.
Finally, during a vacation later that summer, my parents took me in hand and told me it was time to grow up and get on with my life. That was pivotal – I realized I needed to take charge of my attitude and stop being a victim. It was difficult, but I was determined to get back into sports no matter what it took. I was still self concious and felt as if everyone were focused on my eye. But I made the varsity soccer team and found a new joy in just being able to play. More importantly, I finally found I could just enjoy being myself.
I can look back now and see that my apparent loss was actually the best thing that ever happened to me. It has given me a deeper appreciation and empathy for others who have had to cope with disability and loss in their lives. For that, I feel I have experienced a richer connection to humanity.
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